Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
