omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
