Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
