what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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