yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
