I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
