I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
