I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize