Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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