Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
