My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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