So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
