Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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