My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
