my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
