She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
