Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
