i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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