swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
