My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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