The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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