I need to stop coming to work sober
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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