So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
