1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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