Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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