i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
