Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
