my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
did i just pee glitter
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
