You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have fence marks all over my body
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize