sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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