I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
