So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
