Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
