You're completely useless in the revolution.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
