who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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