my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
