The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize