Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
