I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
