My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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