I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
