he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
