Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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