Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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