i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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