I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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