Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
