My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
