so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
