I just saw a hot homeless man
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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