how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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