I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
