I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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