I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
