I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
