Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
