Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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