im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
