Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Quick, to the slutcave!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
