Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
