your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
