Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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