I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
