Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
