theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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