So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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