Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My cat gives me a boner
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
