you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
