I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
whose parrot is this?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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