turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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