my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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