wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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