My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
