but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
