Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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