nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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