oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize