First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
