you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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