Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
