No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
