you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
