We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
