i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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