Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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